Dear Walgreens,
No matter what you name your soda, it will always be the very bottom rung of shitty soda options. You and your sodas are flat-out terrible. How terrible? Let's put it this way. Wal-Mart looks at your soda selection thinks, "All I can say is, 'thank goodness we aren't Walgreens'". Does that about sum it up?
You seem rather bragadocious in your assessment here. "Refreshing Diet Cola"? Talk about being arrogant and presumptuous. I also love the (partially hidden) "Orchard Grape" flavor. Someone at your company actually got paid to make the decision to APPROVE these flavor names.
"Listen people! This is Walgreens! We haven't struggled through generation after generation of appealing to white trash (John Porch, guilty as charged) to lose the soda wars, goddamnit! We are NOT some bottom-of-the-barrel soda distributor! (*they are) We're going with 'Refreshing Diet Cola' and 'Orchard Grape'. Why? Well let's face it. When people are choking down one of our classic Walgreens diet colas they think 'refreshing' and when they stuggle through enduring one of our grape sodas they think 'yeah this is that artificial grape flavor, but somehow it still tastes straight from the orchard'".
Actually when people think of your diet cola they think "no thanks" and when they think of your grape soda they think "Orchard Grape, AKA 20 oz of AIDS".
I'd like to go on record and admit my own intellectual shortcomings, but my opinion is that the names of your products are almost as bad as your attempt to actually make them appealing.
As you were.
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